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Quotations from an iconic publishing veteran

There are at least 1000 foods that taste better. And it is medically dangerous.

H on sushi



Any Jewish parents who have kids who are good at science beat the hell out of them so they get straight As and go to medical school.

—H on doctors



If I was in school today and they made me take an internet class I would be put in the class for the retarded.

—H



'Winning and warm?' What the hell is that? That’s the like a Hollywood movie that’s shitty and they find two words to make it sound okay.

—H on a press release



Marilyn Monroe was sleeping with Robert Kennedy and JFK. They made a sandwich out of her. It was better than a ham and cheese.

—H



Trout Magazine? Of course I subscribe. It’s a daily, isn’t it?

—H



That guy was insane. You could see it in his eyes. And what does his mother do? Gives him a bunch of guns.

—H on Adam Lanza



  • H: Did you hear Bill Adler died?
  • Me: Is that the guy from your party with the pink shirt?
  • H: We let someone in wearing a pink shirt?
  • Me: Maybe the guy you saved from punching in Vegas?
  • H: Oohhh, that guy! He credits me with saving his life. All I did was block punches. I had bloody fists. That was quite a night. That's not the guy that died.


This is the darkest city. I wrote a letter to the mayor. It becomes like a real ordeal. But anyway, I did it.

—H on driving in Manhattan



“I started to think it was one of those things where you burn up the place for the insurance money.” —H 

“I started to think it was one of those things where you burn up the place for the insurance money.” —H